Experts call for emotional support for couples struggling with failed IVF

Nigeria’s growing reliance on in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) as a pathway to parenthood has come under renewed scrutiny, as fertility advocates, psychologists and medical experts warn that the emotional trauma of failed IVF cycles is being dangerously neglected within the country’s reproductive healthcare system. This urgent concern dominated discussions at a fertility awareness programme organised by the Fertility Awareness Advocacy Initiative (FAAI) in Lagos, where stakeholders insisted that mental health support must become a standard component of fertility treatment rather than an optional add-on provided at the margins.

The hybrid forum—held both virtually and physically with technical support from Nordica Fertility Centre—brought together couples who had lived through the rollercoaster of successful and failed cycles, alongside psychologists and fertility specialists. Through tearful testimonies and clinical analyses, the gathering exposed the human cost behind Nigeria’s booming but largely commercialised assisted reproduction industry.

While IVF has become a beacon of hope for many facing infertility—a condition affecting millions across the country—experts at the event stressed that treatment failure remains widespread, poorly discussed and deeply stigmatised. Vice President of FAAI, Mrs. Vivian Patrick, described IVF as “a journey of hope built on emotional, physical and financial sacrifice,” noting that many couples are left “psychologically wounded” when cycles fail to result in pregnancy. “Infertility treatment drains couples emotionally and financially. Many are walking around with invisible wounds from failed cycles, miscarriages and dashed expectations,” she said. “That is why FAAI exists—to create warmth, provide strength and remind couples they are not alone.”

Patrick explained that FAAI itself is made up of individuals and couples who have walked both sides of the IVF journey, from joyous success to heart-breaking failure. She stressed that cultural myths, late presentation at medical facilities, high treatment costs and persistent social stigma significantly worsen the emotional suffering of Nigerian couples. According to her, the burden of IVF failure is compounded by late health-seeking behaviour, limited access to specialist clinics and the ever-present fear of public ridicule—forcing many into silence.

She illustrated this with a recent experience involving a man who had endured multiple failed cycles and attended an FAAI event “exhausted, discouraged and almost unwilling to come.” But when he unexpectedly won a free IVF cycle during a raffle draw, “the whole hall erupted,” Patrick said, noting that the moment rekindled hope not just for the beneficiary, but for every couple present. Patrick also took aim at persistent cultural myths surrounding IVF-conceived children. “There is nothing wrong with IVF children. My son was born through IVF. He is intelligent, healthy and full of life. Nigerians must move away from dangerous beliefs that stigmatise harmless medical science,” she added.

Clinical psychologist, Mr. Pillot Gbolahan, broadened the discussion by framing IVF failure as a form of bereavement. “Couples are not just losing a pregnancy; they are losing hope, identity and sometimes dignity,” he said. “In Nigeria, where childbirth determines social value, this loss is even more brutal.” He cited global studies showing that about half of individuals undergoing fertility treatment experience significant emotional distress. Depression affects between 15 and 24 per cent, while anxiety levels climb as high as 28 per cent. “These are not statistics,” he said. “These are real people battling shame, isolation and fear that their lineage may end with them.”

Gbolahan warned that untreated psychological trauma often spills into marital conflict, emotional withdrawal and communication breakdowns. Beyond emotional strain, he explained that chronic stress produces biological consequences that can reduce IVF success rates. The most psychologically demanding period, he said, is the ten to fourteen-day wait after embryo transfer. “People monitor every sensation in their body, time moves slowly, and anxiety becomes torture,” he noted.

Fertility counsellor, Mrs. Precious Balogun, argued forcefully that counselling should be formally integrated into Nigeria’s fertility treatment protocols, rather than offered informally or at the discretion of clinics. “IVF failure is grief,” she declared. “The absence of a baby does not mean the absence of loss. Yet couples are expected to return to normal life without space to process that grief.” Balogun described the intense social pressure many Nigerian couples face—unsolicited advice, traditional myths, intrusive questions and family interference—all of which worsen emotional wounds. She added that many women remain frightened even after achieving a positive pregnancy test, traumatised by previous losses. “Counselling helps couples process trauma, rebuild communication and prepare emotionally whether the next cycle succeeds or fails,” she said, calling for greater involvement of men in the emotional dimensions of treatment. “Men are expected to be strong, but they carry their own fears about sperm quality, financial pressure and family expectations. IVF is not a woman’s journey; it is a partnership.”

Offering medical insight, a fertility specialist at Nordica Fertility Centre, Lagos, Dr. Victor Ajayi, explained that IVF failure does not always indicate poor medical care. He noted that some women respond better to frozen embryo transfers than fresh cycles, especially when hormone levels fluctuate. Conditions such as endometriosis, he added, significantly reduce implantation success. “Even when embryos appear ‘perfect,’ implantation may fail due to genetic abnormalities, poor uterine receptivity or factors beyond current scientific control,” he said. “IVF is not magic. It is a complex interaction of biology, timing and chance. Even in the world’s best centres, IVF cycles fail.” Ajayi stressed that many couples, in desperation, sell properties or travel abroad in search of success. “When it fails, it breaks more than the cycle,” he said. “It breaks people.”

Medical Director of Nordica Fertility Centre, Dr. Abayomi Ajayi, urged Nigerians to exercise caution and critical thinking when choosing IVF centres. “Patients must conduct due diligence,” he said. “Don’t rely on rumours or social media. Ask questions, demand written explanations and understand side effects. Your life should not be controlled by ignorance.” He insisted that experience, integrity and transparency are essential indicators of a credible clinic.

Beyond personal pain, the forum spotlighted wider systemic gaps: weak regulation, high costs, poor mental-health integration and widespread misinformation. Stakeholders warned that unless urgent reforms are implemented, IVF in Nigeria risks evolving into a purely commercial enterprise stripped of humane, patient-centred care. FAAI and experts called for mandatory psychological counselling in IVF treatment, stronger regulatory oversight of fertility centres, robust public education to dismantle stigma and community-based peer support for couples grappling with repeated failures.

The event concluded on a symbolic note when five participants—one chosen through a live electronic draw—won access to a free IVF cycle, injecting a rare moment of celebration into a room that had been shaped by heavy stories of loss. Yet, for many at the gathering, the deeper victory was the willingness to finally break the silence around IVF failure. “IVF failure is not the end,” Patrick said. “But healing must come before hope can grow again.” As Nigeria witnesses rising demand for assisted reproduction, experts insist that the future of fertility care must be built not only on science, but on compassion, mental wellness and honest public dialogue.

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